Maren turned a year old today! I cannot believe it has been a year! Some days it seems like just yesterday and others days I can remember thinking life was standing still. A couple of months before Maren's birthday I started to go back and read through old journal entries I had written from the time Maren was diagnosed up until we finally brought her home after her Norwood. Those were some scary times.
The one day at the hospital that will forever be clear in my mind is the day that Randy and I walked into to the old CICU after Maren had been placed on ECMO due to complications from her chest closure. It was a horrible sight to see. Honestly, I don't know if Maren was even in that little body. I won't describe how she looked, but it was truly awful. Randy and I sat with her for a little while. After some time the doctors made their way over to Maren's bedside for rounds. I wanted to crawl under my chair and hide. Every doctor had the same uncomfortable look on their faces. And before they even spoke, we knew how bad off she was. Dr. Biswas later told us that we a 30% chance of taking Maren home with us. Randy and I were devastated. We had to get out. I remember that walk to the car and that drive home. We cried together in silence almost the entire way.
Randy went back with several priesthood members that afternoon to give Maren a blessing. I felt a peace after that blessing that stayed with me for the remainder of the time that Maren was in the hospital. I did not know if she was going to live or die, but I knew that Heavenly Father was watching over her and that he was in control. I prayed constantly that she would recover and come home with us so that Henry could know his little sister, but I took comfort in knowing that if she did die that we were an eternal family and would be together forever.
When Maren was diagnosed back in Albuquerque, there was one doctor that was really encouraging us to terminate the pregnancy. I kept tellling her it wasn't an option, but she kept pushing, insisting it was an option that we really needed to take time to consider. I was talking to Randy about it the other day and he got kind of a far off look on his face. He finally said, "I wish I could go back and punch that doctor in the face." I feel the same way. Maren is such a sweetheart! Given the chance, I'd have her all over again. (However, given a choice I'd go with the healthy heart option!) If Maren could talk I'm sure she'd agree on both accounts. One day I'll ask her!
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