Maren has her six-month check up with Dr. Donofrio tomorrow. I've been dreading this visit since I walked out of the hospital six months ago. Maren's third surgery is right around the corner and even though that fact sucks rocks, I knew this day was coming even before Maren was born. It's nice to have a little certainty now and then!
It's the unanswered questions that really get me. It's a big surgery. Is she going to have problems like she did with the first two? Should we have Maren's stupid clogged tear duct fixed before the Fontan or after? Is Randy going to get the boot back to New Mexico before this is all over? Where should I enroll Henry in kindergarten-- close to where we are or close to Mom so she can take him to school each day if she needs to? How many times is Henry going to switch kindergartens this year? Is it okay to leave our doctors in DC? Is Michigan the right place to move to? Beside the fact that it's damn cold and far from any family, I don't know the doctors or the nurses and they don't know Maren or me.
There-- it's out. So yeah, surgery is scary, but the uncertain details surrounding it is really what bothers me.
I do know this much-- I know that Heavenly Father knows for certain what is coming. Sometimes I stop and think about what has gone on in mine and Randy's lives over the last few years. It really is quite amazing how our family has been cared for and how we have been prepared to care for our family-- especially Maren. It's not even just our family being prepared. It's others who have been placed near us to help us get through-- tons of family, all of Maren's doctors, nurses, therapists, church members, The Billings back in New Mexico... I could go on forever! I really can't see how things could have worked out more perfectly for us.
To get back on track, it's scary as hell for me to think about what may come. It's frustrating as hell to not have the answers I want when I want them, but it is very comforting to know that I have a Heavenly Father who is keenly aware of what is going on in our lives. Even more comforting is the evidence that he is involved in our lives. I know we'll be taken care of. I know the answers will come. I just need to be patient.
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