June 22, 2010

One Week

Maren will have her Fontan operation one week from today. The reality of this fact didn't sink in until a few days ago. My emotions are up and down, up and down all day long. It's like being pregnant times a billion! At my best, I imagine setting up house in Michigan with all of this behind us. At my lowest I think about how Randy and I would tell Henry if the worst were to happen. As soon as those thoughts come I try to push them away, but they never completely go. They are like a dark cloud forever floating in the back of my mind.

My faith in God is the thing that keeps me going. I am absolutely certain that God lives and that He loves me, as He does each of His children. I know, without a doubt, that life is eternal. I know that God has a plan and I will trust Him and accept His will, even if I don't understand or can't see past the present. I know that one day Maren will die, and so will I, and Randy, and Henry, and Sam (he's coming-- not now, but sometime), but I also know that our family is eternal. We will be together forever.

I hope I don't sound like I'm burying Maren. I'm not. We've got big plans for her! This is just me letting go of what I don't want inside.